I’m just going to rant a bit here. I know it is March and St. Patrick’s day was about a week ago but I have a question. Maybe several.

WHO DECIDED THAT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO HAVE OUR HOMES AND CLASSROOMS VISITED BY A MAN IN A GREEN SUIT LEAVING CHAOS IN HIS WAKE?

I’m talking about the fad (that’s hopefully fading) of parents and teachers encouraging our kids to A) make a Leprechaun trap, and B) expect their personal or classroom chambers to be excitedly terrorized by a Leprechaun who leaves in his wake gold coins.

I know this is based on Irish folklore; whoever captures that pesky Leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Eve will be made a millionaire (in a nutshell).

Why are we setting our kids up for the sad truth? Pretending Leppy is on his or her way to leave gifts for our children? Come on.

This rant is also for the person or persons with the bright idea of Elf on a Shelf.

I’ve got plenty to do without having to figure out shenanigans for the Leprechaun or Elf to be getting into. Plus, I’d be the one picking up the mess that just hours ago I had created, in hopes my kid would, what, believe in Leprechauns and Elves on Shelves? Why?

I have a feeling that our kids wouldn’t be missing out on anything if Leppy hadn’t been brought in to back up the folklore. What happened to a story being just a story? We don’t need to act it out. My youngest woke up on St. Paddy’s day and found not a mess made by Leppy, burst into tears, and was completely bummed that he didn’t visit our house. She was so rocked by this that I feared she would miss the bus. I had to shove back the words I really wanted to say (It’s fake!), and lovingly tell her that “Maybe he visited your classroom instead!”. Well, he didn’t do that either she told me after school, while she bawled again. I finally told her that the teachers make all those messes and that Leppy doesn’t visit anywhere!

Take it easy, take it easy. I was very aware of the slippery slope I was on. I say too much and she won’t be believing in Santy Claus or the Tooth Fairy or the Easter Bunny. But I couldn’t let her believe that she may have done something wrong to miss out on that. I mean, she even scoured the basement looking for gold coins.

I know we want our kids to enjoy their childhood, but I think they will still look back and find many, many great things. I see no reason to bring another fictitious character into it. As I said, moms and dads are already loaded down with responsibility. Now we are supposed to remember another date and the eve to go along with it, spend time making a trap, wait for the kids to go to bed and fall asleep, and then set up a giant lie? No thank you.

I have two sets of children. When my oldest two were the only children I indulged them with Elf on the Shelf, mostly because it was a gift from their Grandma. Their dad had one and I had one so it was something that gave the children some normalcy and tied their parents together. When the next two came along, I was looking forward to packing away Snoopy and did so for a year or 2. Man, I really enjoyed NOT having to remember to move him around the house daily. I should have brought him to Savers. Gah! But last year or the year before, my oldest daughter found him and started the “tradition” again.

And I get it. To her, seeing Elf on the Shelf is sentimental and her memories of this go way back. So despite my opinion of Snoopy the Elf, essentially she trumps it.

But getting Leppy on my back? Not happening.

Back in my day (my kids hate when I say this), I think we celebrated St. Patrick’s day by wearing green and my mom would slater cinnamon rolls with green frosting. Doable. Fun even. This is just taking it too far.

What’s worse? Combining them…

Reinventing Elf to be something more…

So to whoever thought any of this was a grand idea? It is not.

(Bows and steps of soapbox)

Thank you. (minimal clapping, sparse even)