There’s a fine line between wearing the new trends and time-traveling back to 1998. For me, I just can’t do it. A great year of my life, but I don’t need a repeat.

And you? Toe it wisely.

And if your toe slips? Gah, I hope you pull ‘er back before it’s clothed in chunky heeled canvas shoes. But then again, perhaps you can pull it off. And in that case, niiiice. Slightly jealous over here, but count me in when silk shirts make a come back.

So yesterday I helped out in a sister department. I’ve worked in this department a handful of times when they needed an additional person to help room patients, clean rooms, help the docs, etc. I can tell you, this short shift (half day) was less eventful than the other times.

For starters, I didn’t have to draw up any medications. I’m totally capable, and enjoy this task, but none came my way. Shoot. Secondly, I didn’t have to help anyone take their socks or shoes off. Now, this is exciting. Let me tell you why.

Perhaps you have worked in a nursing home or helped a sweet old lady or gent get naked from the ankle down. Perhaps not. That’s okay. I’ll try to be as descriptive as possible getting you up to speed.

The older we get, the drier our skin becomes. Whatever the reason may be, people get dry feet. I get it, mine are dry once in a while. I just lube them up with some lotion and voila! Sandal-worthy! Sometimes it gets hard to reach our feet. Sometimes we don’t think about our feet too much. They are sturdy, capable of keeping us upright, ugly but there, right?

See where this is going yet?

I dread only 2 things when working in this department. Toenail clippings and dry, flaky skin. Both are guaranteed.

If a patient requests assistance from yours truly, I must be of assistance. Need help taking your shoes and socks off? Here let me. No? Okie dokie! (escape hatch, now!- lest they change their mind). Yes? Hmm, okay.

All I’m thinking about while peeling off Ted stockings or socks are, “Wonder how bad this is gonna be?” Let me tell you why. If you have dry skin on your feet, and they haven’t been given any TLC, that dry skin is now stuck to your stockings or socks and has also been loosened by said stockings and socks. What do you think is gonna happen when the sock comes off? I’ll give you a hint. Those flakes are not glued on. You better be on your toes to dodge that snow globe of skin cells. If you are in the drivers seat of removing the tube sock, you can at least control (slightly) where that foot soot is gonna land.

Goal: Keep it out of your hair and mouth. Lesson learned real quickly during my first shift in this department; after this shift it looked like I had dandruff. Gross.

Tip: Close your mouth and breath shallow (or not at all).

I know, I know. Some situations are out of the patients control. Perhaps they’ve been diagnosed with a foot disease, psoriasis, or have diabetes. I’m not ripping on them; I’m informing you of my day.

There is a plan of attack though and it’s not pulling on the toe of the sock and ripping it off. Here’s why. The dry, flaky skin is not just on their foot, but sometimes also traveling half-way up their leg (that’s a big area of real estate). So the best approach is to go slow from the beginning of the undressing. You can roll the socks down, or slowly banana peel the top down while pulling on the toe seam. Continue rolling and then slowly pry and pull off. Slooowwwwly. Stuff the sock in the shoe.

P.S. You should be wearing gloves. Up to you, but barf if you don’t.

It seems whatever method you decide to use, there will a sprinkling of flaky, dry skin, but the cloud size is impacted with the manner chosen. So choose wisely. NOTE: It is NOT appropriate to have a vacuum cleaner on, pointed toward their foot and sock during the extraction. Once the sock is off and the air is clear, you are welcome to exit. Don’t think you are done yet, though. There’s Part II to this daymare.

Cue the clippers! Nail Care Time! This phrase deserves beginning capital letters, believe you me.

I love getting a pedicure. Stay with me here. Soaking my feet in hot water, gussying up the nails and their beds and removal of dry skin, feels so good. And the polish! What a treat! This appointment for our patients is not a pedi. This is straight up toenail clipping, but still a treat for them. Most patients coming in for nail care can’t reach to do it themselves, or the nail is too thick for your dollar store clippers, or they are diabetic which makes nail care done by a professional very essential. One wrong clip could lead to a large infection.

Once the Doc is done, and the patient is gone, it’s time to clean the room. Your normal basic cleaning of chairs, computer mouse, etc. Prior to that though, you have to clean up the dry skin that flaked off during the removal of socks and during foot care PLUS the clippings and the tray used to catch the clippings. And we all know when a toenail gets clipped it doesn’t just fall south. That pupper can wiz off in any direction at a fast clip (lol, clip, get it?), getting lodged in fabric chairs and onto the floor.

They have the type of broom and dustpan that fast food chains use so at least I don’t have to squat or kneel down to the pile of detritus. Broom it right in, Sir! Cough, Cough, not too fast, Sir! The only positive about still having to wear a mask, I guess, is not breathing in any particles!

Now that Room 1 is clean, George just left Room 3! It’s an endless cycle really, and I’d love to tell you that the more I completed this task, the more desensitized I became. But I’d be lying. It doesn’t get easier, but at least I don’t gag during the task anymore. So there’s that!

Let’s end this on a positive note. Your feet do a ton of work for you, so please treat them kindly or ask a loved one to help. They deserve it and you do too! Plus, our brooms are wearing out.