Black and white stick-on tattoos are only cool when they aren’t on your child’s neck.
In our case, my son was given a stack of fake tattoos and found the best one to portray him as a 10-year-old felon. He made sure no piece of that tattoo was left on the paper. He probably had a soaking wet washcloth plastered on that thing for a good 60 seconds before he peeled it off, leaving a perfectly tatted neck. This thing was placed with skilled precision. On the side of his neck. On his birthday. Right in time for pictures with his cake. All that was missing was a teardrop tattoo.
First picture. Go ahead, zoom in. Take a closer look. It’s worth it.
And here’s the picture once I realized what we were dealing with. Just a smidgeon of his past peeking out from behind his carefully placed hand.
But, my god, even as a birthday felon, he sure is cute.
I found him, not long after snapping those pictures, in the lavatory with yet another sopping rag scrubbing his skin red trying to get it off. Per dad’s request.
I don’t know what his wish was when he blew out his candle, but I was wishing hard that his future was not going to be one behind bars. Only toddlers look good in stripes and cheap flip-flops.
Happy Birthday our little faux-felon. Enjoy double-digits.
Hoss & Weasel 